Damn, Band is gonna end up killing me, but it is fun XD, thanks to all that are adding comments, its really cool to get comments on my blog from both people I know and people I don't. I'm sorry I haven't typed anything in awhile, but my computer is.... weird. It won't turn on right at the moment, so
I am having to use the one up front, my fathers computer, and he is very stingy about it. So I don't get much of a chance to be on it.
Anyway,
Lately I have made some mistakes. I thought some stuff was going on and I made a few mistakes, but luckily nothing fell through. So I guess things are still going smoothly. That is, if you can say that the current romance department of my life is smooth.
I did have to turn down some more girls recently, and why they find me so attractive I may never know.
A friend of mine says that I look like Gara from Naruto, and another says I look like Shino. *rolls eyes* *sigh* but I did promise the girl that said that I look like Gara that I would cosplay as him for her if she took me to anime convention. She said she would pay my way, so *shrugs*
Anyway, things are going good and I can't wait for summer to be over. I may have to cut down my postings to maybe once a week or something, but chances are I will only be able to post erratically (randomly).
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Weddings and Confusions
This weekend I am going to be out of town and at a wedding. The bride is a woman who is a lot like an aunt to me. So we have to go. I don't mind either. I hope that I will be able to see my life better while we are gone so I can get some things in order.
I am having trouble. This whole psychic thing and then the part of me that wants to stay loyal. I love Kristen, regardless of what anyone says. For the past few days I have been trying to move on, regardless of what I have said. I have been trying to listen to the advice of certain people by trying to forget about her, but I can't. I didn't write in stone that I wouldn't date, but I also feel like I did. There are gurls that are crushing on me, and I like them the same way. But I have had to turn a few of them down because of this promise I made. I said I would wait for Kristen as long as it would take. But its a lot harder than I thought. More gurls than I thought have crushes on me, and its not easy to turn them all down, especially when I think of them the same way. So to say the least things are a bit confusing. I have people who support my waiting, and others that don't believe and just want my sufferings to end.
And part of me believes either side. I know that the panic attack I experienced Tuesday was because I still love Kristen, and I am afraid that she wants nothing to do with me. I am so scarred but I am also not. Its kinda hard to explain.
I am having trouble. This whole psychic thing and then the part of me that wants to stay loyal. I love Kristen, regardless of what anyone says. For the past few days I have been trying to move on, regardless of what I have said. I have been trying to listen to the advice of certain people by trying to forget about her, but I can't. I didn't write in stone that I wouldn't date, but I also feel like I did. There are gurls that are crushing on me, and I like them the same way. But I have had to turn a few of them down because of this promise I made. I said I would wait for Kristen as long as it would take. But its a lot harder than I thought. More gurls than I thought have crushes on me, and its not easy to turn them all down, especially when I think of them the same way. So to say the least things are a bit confusing. I have people who support my waiting, and others that don't believe and just want my sufferings to end.
And part of me believes either side. I know that the panic attack I experienced Tuesday was because I still love Kristen, and I am afraid that she wants nothing to do with me. I am so scarred but I am also not. Its kinda hard to explain.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Enough
Ok, I have had enough.
My mother is placing all the blame on me for everything. I had a panic attack today that last about 2 hours, maybe a little more. And The only thing my mother could think of was "What caused it, what made it stop" and my favorite: "You know its your fault, right?" and she kept making it sound like its all my fault. She kept telling me how stupid, and how useless I am. How wrong I am all the time. And she hit me, a lot. She wonders why I have panic attacks. She says that she puts money towards my band thing, and thats not support. All she does is tell me what I do wrong, no "Good Job, Matt, You did good." Or something like that. Just a load of crap. I'm sick of it. I am gone. Tonight.
Sorry to all of you who know where I live. And I'm sorry Sam, I said I wouldn't walk out, but after I thought about I decided it was best. I am sick of this abuse. I'm out.
Until my next post, later.
My mother is placing all the blame on me for everything. I had a panic attack today that last about 2 hours, maybe a little more. And The only thing my mother could think of was "What caused it, what made it stop" and my favorite: "You know its your fault, right?" and she kept making it sound like its all my fault. She kept telling me how stupid, and how useless I am. How wrong I am all the time. And she hit me, a lot. She wonders why I have panic attacks. She says that she puts money towards my band thing, and thats not support. All she does is tell me what I do wrong, no "Good Job, Matt, You did good." Or something like that. Just a load of crap. I'm sick of it. I am gone. Tonight.
Sorry to all of you who know where I live. And I'm sorry Sam, I said I wouldn't walk out, but after I thought about I decided it was best. I am sick of this abuse. I'm out.
Until my next post, later.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Marching
OK, So I haven't been posting. Things are just out of hand on my end. Its not to my liking either.
But I at least have band to distract me and great friends to comfort me.
Band is gonna be hell, from what I hear. We are marching already and its killer on my arms, and from what I hear they are gonna make us run till we toss out cookies. I can promise you I won't puke. I'll probably be running all practice though. I'm gonna go out to the field to practice marching, because I have band practice tonight. We are not gonna march tonight, but I need to practice anyway. I want to get it down fast and I want it so I won't be so tired so fast. I want to be the kid with the most stamina, and I have a feeling that if I do this it will work out.
When reality becomes too much I create my own
http://avatar2.gaiaonline.com/gaia/members/ava/0b/53/25f8da5152530b.jpg
See what you're getting into…before you go there. Check it out!
But I at least have band to distract me and great friends to comfort me.
Band is gonna be hell, from what I hear. We are marching already and its killer on my arms, and from what I hear they are gonna make us run till we toss out cookies. I can promise you I won't puke. I'll probably be running all practice though. I'm gonna go out to the field to practice marching, because I have band practice tonight. We are not gonna march tonight, but I need to practice anyway. I want to get it down fast and I want it so I won't be so tired so fast. I want to be the kid with the most stamina, and I have a feeling that if I do this it will work out.
When reality becomes too much I create my own
http://avatar2.gaiaonline.com/gaia/members/ava/0b/53/25f8da5152530b.jpg
See what you're getting into…before you go there. Check it out!
Monday, July 9, 2007
OK, so my sister wants me to post something on here, its actually pretty funny. As soon as she can get on a computer I am going to let my sister, Sam, Post what she wants to post. Not only because she is my sister and I owe her a world of favors, especially for these past few days, but because what she has to say was really funny XD trust me, what this gurl has to say is not nice in any way (OK, maybe it is nice, but not to some people) and it was just so funny. I'll let her explain these things. All I can say right now is that maybe if I don't get to make it as a writer (or even if I do) you may have to be watching for us on comedy central, we can be quite..... devious.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
OK, so this is kinda hard to write. I hae found god, for the first time to be true, I have found God. I believe in Jesus and everything now, its kinda odd that it took me so long to find this. Anyway. I was shown God by my friend Sam, she is an amazing person and worthy of any respect. She is a strong person and isn't afraid of any0one (as far as I can tell) and she doesn't take unnecessary crap from anyone either. She is my hero. She is helping me get through the hardest thing I have ever faced so far in my short little life. its kinda sad for me, since I am not used to asking for help, but am used to giving help to others. But one must learn sometimes.
God decides to use that little thing called "Karma"What is happening: Kristen's father is not following his own advice. He is also deliberately being blind to our love. He said before, in a comment on my post titled "Gone" that "as thinking human beings we should not think with our emotions, but with our minds." What is he thinking with? Envy, scorn, malice, anger, Jealousy, any number of selfish things? Well what he says is true, in some cases, and sometimes it depends on which side you are on. I see both with my head and my heart (although I do not wish to see with my head at this point) and it is not an easy thing when I am so in love with her. I know that she is grounded and that she is not allowed to make contact with me in the least, my ears are not closed to what I do not want to hear. I learned from my friend Sam that I should pity him because God is the one who takes revenge, not me. God will give back to Kristen's dad ten fold what he was put on both me and Kristen, and chances are, with god, that he will do so separately, so I really must pity this man, because knowing the pain that I am going through, and th pain she is going through, I can't even imagine what is going to happen to him. All I have to say is that he should stop this foolishness before, yes, most of you have heard what Karma is, and have probably experienced it. i know that my Karma is fairly good, since I do not try to harm others and I generally try not to be selfish, on the contrary I try to be selfless.
If it wasn't for th pain that Kristen is going through I wouldn't care so much, but to see someone else in so much pain, and going through so much suffering because someone like her father is so selfish and intentionally blind it just irks me. Ya know?
But I am letting god take this out of my hands and let god teach this man a lesson. But, I do have to say, judging from this man actions towards the male gender one would think that this man is trying to force his daughter to be a lez, and if he decides to read my blog again I want him to know this, I want him to know that I am stepping back until he will allow me to come back in with out a fuss. And, if he doesn't allow that, when she turns 18 (or maybe even 17, according to the law: yes I am familiar with the law, and I know several loop holes) he can not tell her forcefully what to do anymore. I will wait for ever for her because I love her. And I would not do anything to harm her. The pain that he si putting her through is not right, nor necessary and we all know it.
These actions he is taking is out of his own selfishness and what he was done to her, making her feel guilty to even feel the least bit happy, is something called "Brain washing" and that is far from right either. Forcing your will on others is against gods teachings.
Have a nice Day. =]
P.S.- Anyone who does not follow their own advice is a hypocrite =]
God decides to use that little thing called "Karma"What is happening: Kristen's father is not following his own advice. He is also deliberately being blind to our love. He said before, in a comment on my post titled "Gone" that "as thinking human beings we should not think with our emotions, but with our minds." What is he thinking with? Envy, scorn, malice, anger, Jealousy, any number of selfish things? Well what he says is true, in some cases, and sometimes it depends on which side you are on. I see both with my head and my heart (although I do not wish to see with my head at this point) and it is not an easy thing when I am so in love with her. I know that she is grounded and that she is not allowed to make contact with me in the least, my ears are not closed to what I do not want to hear. I learned from my friend Sam that I should pity him because God is the one who takes revenge, not me. God will give back to Kristen's dad ten fold what he was put on both me and Kristen, and chances are, with god, that he will do so separately, so I really must pity this man, because knowing the pain that I am going through, and th pain she is going through, I can't even imagine what is going to happen to him. All I have to say is that he should stop this foolishness before, yes, most of you have heard what Karma is, and have probably experienced it. i know that my Karma is fairly good, since I do not try to harm others and I generally try not to be selfish, on the contrary I try to be selfless.
If it wasn't for th pain that Kristen is going through I wouldn't care so much, but to see someone else in so much pain, and going through so much suffering because someone like her father is so selfish and intentionally blind it just irks me. Ya know?
But I am letting god take this out of my hands and let god teach this man a lesson. But, I do have to say, judging from this man actions towards the male gender one would think that this man is trying to force his daughter to be a lez, and if he decides to read my blog again I want him to know this, I want him to know that I am stepping back until he will allow me to come back in with out a fuss. And, if he doesn't allow that, when she turns 18 (or maybe even 17, according to the law: yes I am familiar with the law, and I know several loop holes) he can not tell her forcefully what to do anymore. I will wait for ever for her because I love her. And I would not do anything to harm her. The pain that he si putting her through is not right, nor necessary and we all know it.
These actions he is taking is out of his own selfishness and what he was done to her, making her feel guilty to even feel the least bit happy, is something called "Brain washing" and that is far from right either. Forcing your will on others is against gods teachings.
Have a nice Day. =]
P.S.- Anyone who does not follow their own advice is a hypocrite =]
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