Weddings and Confusions

This weekend I am going to be out of town and at a wedding. The bride is a woman who is a lot like an aunt to me. So we have to go. I don't mind either. I hope that I will be able to see my life better while we are gone so I can get some things in order.
I am having trouble. This whole psychic thing and then the part of me that wants to stay loyal. I love Kristen, regardless of what anyone says. For the past few days I have been trying to move on, regardless of what I have said. I have been trying to listen to the advice of certain people by trying to forget about her, but I can't. I didn't write in stone that I wouldn't date, but I also feel like I did. There are gurls that are crushing on me, and I like them the same way. But I have had to turn a few of them down because of this promise I made. I said I would wait for Kristen as long as it would take. But its a lot harder than I thought. More gurls than I thought have crushes on me, and its not easy to turn them all down, especially when I think of them the same way. So to say the least things are a bit confusing. I have people who support my waiting, and others that don't believe and just want my sufferings to end.
And part of me believes either side. I know that the panic attack I experienced Tuesday was because I still love Kristen, and I am afraid that she wants nothing to do with me. I am so scarred but I am also not. Its kinda hard to explain.